kill peggy: part I

Before her thirteenth birthday, she had tried to kill her mother. It was a morning of promise. Awaiting a dream-state smile, the floating Peggy head dallied in mommy-speak for the optimum moment. "KATE!!, time to get up!" Kate whisper-screamed "why?" "Because I said so," Peggy droned. The soul-poison channeled to Kate's extremities. Kicking the comforter back, two street-tattered feet touched the floor. "I'll get a tatoo . . ."

Rubbing her bloodshot, sleep encrusted eyes, Kate tunneled the ashtray for a lightable butt. "Kate!, are you smoking?," asked Peggy. "Shut-up, you fat whore!" Kate was slightly kidding but was certain a "let me tell you something" was imminent. Kate thumb-popped her panties and set out toward the kitchen. Peggy stormed her in the hallway, bulldozing her against the fridge. "Let me tell you something young lady. This is my goddamned house, and as long as you're in it, you'll do what I say. Do you want me to call your father?" Kate held her breathing to ward off coffeetosis. As Kate recoiled, Peggy dug her hawk-nails deep into her arm. "Did you hear me?!!" Sliding her jaw forward, Kate palmed a butcher knife handle from the counter-top. Peggy sensed the white-faced rage in her daughter's eyes. Kate raised the knife skyward, wadding up her soul to pounce. Peggy pushed Kate against the cabinets and bolted into the bathroom. Breathlessly horrified, she screamed, "I'm calling the police!" Dry-mouthed and quaking, Kate tried to push through the door. The woodpeckering knife folded toward her skinny arm with each motion. "Call the fucking police! I don't give a fuck!!" With a last push, Kate ran full speed out the front door, not remembering where the knife remained. She fled to the park a block away and fell to her knees, parting the dewy weeds. Sobbing in her hands, a police car sped toward her house. She mumbled, " let them find me . . ."

"we'll try and ease the pain,
but somehow we'll feel the same
well, no one knows
where our secrets go."
- smashing pumpkins

The squeal of cop brakes is unmistakable; it's a tedious noise, compatible with dragging chained slaves to their masters. They had her. Peggy, according to the official version, had done nothing wrong . . .

Kate's beauty was legendary. As the second coming of Vivien Leigh, doors opened with no one behind them. Her countenance was double-dipped. God and Jesus had pulled an all-nighter to make this one. "What if we put the heaven movie in her eyes?" said Jesus. God broke in, "Yes!" dropping his fist on Jupiter in agreement, "put my best cherub on her as guardian; one that isn't scared of Lee Street . . ." Jesus asked, "What about talent?" God told him to reach in the jar deep "but go light on omnipotence." Jesus asked his dad why. " That'll leave tomorrow to us . . ."

Kate's stab at mommicide was the main topic at Kiser Junior High. The punkfreaks, sharing a couple of drags in the bathroom, embellished the physical but understated the drama. "Like uh, her mom still has that knife in her head," an early goth quipped. "Yeah man, I heard Kate ate half a can of Drano; they hosed her out," said another.

Kate faced court with complete contradiction. Judge Pfaff read the warrant: " Kate Burnet, you are here today to face the charge of attempted murder; how do you plead?" Kate had worn a dress for the second time in her life; the other time, at age seven, she wound up sitting in a mud puddle feeding a stray dog her sandwich on a winter's day. She faced her adversaries with the resolve of Joan of Arc, her lifetime heroine. Kate sneaked a look at Peggy. The knife was in her pocketbook; there was no way out. Kate's heart pounded through to her throat. Were they going to shoot her? The stenographer poised her finger to make the entry . . . "guilty, your honor." The conviction of her sincerity resonated past a quick retort. "It is the opinion of this court that you are a danger to yourself and to society. You are hereby ordered to complete a one-year program in a girl's camp for troubled youth. If you quit active participation, you will spend the remainder of that year confined to juvenile hall. Do you understand Miss Burnet?" Kate held her chin high and avered an unyielding "yes sir."