people are strange: part iv

-worst movie I've ever seen:

"Jerry McGuire" (they had me at "the end.")

-worst hairdo:

a lady at Family Dollar in Eden has a fountainous whoop-bang that looks like it's her turn to carve the roast beast.

-worst type of person:

guys who use "college voice" to sell-out other's allegiances.

-best type of person:

those that place no psychological demands on you. (extremely rare)

-meanest thing to say to a poor person:

is THAT gold?

-meanest thing to say to an old person:

we dug up this bottle at the very bottom of an abandoned trash-pile, what used to come in it?

-meanest thing to do when you pull the blanket back on a newborn:

start with an anticipatory smile and then frown.

-tackiest thing to do:

hang-out with a lonely person just long enough to borrow five dollars.

-worst thing to say at a funeral:

I was told there was food.

-worst thing to do to a street person:

give them an orange hunting coat.

-meanest thing to do to a short man:

bend down and have "strain to hear" face.

-meanest thing to do to a fat person:

when they come down the hall, press yourself against the wall.

-meanest thing to do when asked to pray in front of the church:

cry while telling your whole family's secret history and say you're tired of tickling daddy's ass.

-meanest thing to do to the dumbest person at the table:

write a complex story and hand it to them to read aloud.

-actual first sex education explanation for me: (at the service station on Meadow Road, age 11)

you just puttit innare and crean-off inna.

-the truth will set you free.

to be continued...