people are strange

Here's a few occurances in my life that have won the "unwonderful award."

-the dumbest thing I've ever heard:

"isn't north always the way you're facing?"

-the dumbest thing I ever saw:

the early projection TV's were fold out models that allowed three beams of light to shine on the screen from a mirror. the mirror was exposed by opening the box that was made more compact by folding into a square shape when not in use. my friend and I were shooting pool in his parent's den. we had invited a street person over to take a shower and wash his clothes. he got done and decided to watch TV. we couldn't find him and discovered that he had gotten inside the TV and was watching his shadow being projected on the screen. we lifted him out so there would be no damage to the hydraulic arms that were extending to reflect the mirror to the screen.

-the meanest thing I ever saw:

I caught my dad's girlfriend's son poking a sharp pencil into a caged parrot. (slowly and repeatedly)

-the most mind-screwing thing I ever saw:

I walked in on a wrinkly country woman running her cupped hand down a little boy's diaper and sticking her tongue in his mouth.

-the most least expected shocking moment:

I opened what I thought to be a closet and there was a fat woman taking a dump in a bucket. she honked in mid-push like a stepped-on goose to make me shut the door and go away. anhhhhhhhhh!

tie:

I stepped out of a train station rear door in rome and a half-second later was stunned by a train passing six feet in front of me at 90 miles an hour. wa! wa! wa! wa! wa! wa!

grossest thing I ever saw:

I cannot type it, I'll vomit. I can't even think about it.

(wiping up vomit) - most arrogant thing I ever saw:

my dad, bragging, at a funeral (during his testimony, a part of the eulogy), in front of a disinherited preacher and his wife, about the fact he got it all. (she pinched the grandchild in her arms and it screamed non-stop during his boasting). (truly, I knew the devil existed that day).

most spoiled thing i've ever witnessed:

david wilder fell asleep in his car while drunk and flipped it over. he got a dwi and totalled the car. so that he wouldn't feel bad, he got 10,000.00 in cash and another car.

-most babified reaction I ever saw:

too evil for prime-time. (I'll make it a full story)

- biggest disappointment in my life:

that I've ever cared what anyone thought of me.

-best advice:

the things that happen to us are either a stumbling block or a stepping stone.

-worst advice:

never say never.

-sexiest thing ever said to me:

do you want me to wiggle?

-the greatest person I've ever known:

beth chandler

-the worst person I've ever known:

me

-the thing that makes me cry every time:

looking back.