people are strange: part II

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Merry Christmas. As I sit here alone (for the ninth Christmas in a row), what better time to tell why. Let's have some fun...

meanest thing anyone ever said to me: (on the division of property) "you sure are being greedy to have shown up at my door with a paper bag one day."

meanest thing anyone ever did to me: tied me to a tree and set me on fire and left me for dead. NOT for that, but for allowing that to give ammo to the people who needed that incident to extract insults from because they were so fucking disunwitty and desperate to go low.

meanest inadvertant thing ever said to me: "what was it, a mako?" (I have a vee shaped scar on my left arm that looks like a hunk has been bitten out....)

meanest thing ever said to me in public: (yelling from balcony at a party) "haven't you ever heard of plastic surgery?"

meanest thing ever said to me by a relative when I was way down: me: "my sins are no worse than yours." rich aunt: "yeah, but mine are covered by the blood."

meanest incident when I least expected it: besides pyronigger, my dad was to give me a car for graduation. he stepped into view and accused me of stealing his shotgun (in front of my holy, precious sister and so that he didn't have to fulfill his promise).

biggest rip-off: a truly evil skank called me to deliver some topsoil to her front yard. after I dumped it, she called the police and said I was trespassing and told me to leave or go to jail. I was so broke that I rolled coins to buy the dirt and I knew I had no leg to stand on. I have never avenged this one, it's best to remember to whom vengeance belongs ...

when I most wanted to slit someone's throat: I got a girl a job with my dad as his receptionist. once she got juiced in, her true colors shone through. I needed to use their phone in an emergency and every time I'd dial the number, she'd press the hang-up button and glare at me like she was a necessary component of his business. (after I got her fired (after weeks of truly hard digging), I found out she was grooming dogs at a vet's office. I left her a phone message: "woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.")

there will be a part three, so excuse me while I cool off....